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Published September 21, 2018

Recently, it was brought to light that Hideo Kojima is parting ways with Konami after the release of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. Negotiations have since turned sour and now Kojima seeks pure Revengeance against his soon-to-be former employers. “They played me like a damn fiddle!” Kojima lamented, striking his fist against the side of his personal Hind D helicopter. “I’ll make them pay for this…I wield a weapon that will surpass Metal Gear.”

When asked about the reason for his departure, Kojima explained that with all of his experience as a game developer, series director and nano-machine researcher, it became apparent that Konami has been using his projects to drive the world towards nuclear annihilation.

“After all of my research into the Les Enfants Terribles project — after developing the perfect spy soldier — Konami finally sees fit to be rid of me,” Kojima continued. “I’ve given so much of my life to this foxhound… Game development has changed. It’s an endless series of proxy coding, created by teenagers with engines.” Kojima then dawned an eye patch and hid within a cardboard box he’d stored beneath his desk. Upon his exit, he stated, “I’m not a tool of Konami anymore…”

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